Kkasxo,

Thats the MOST frustrating thing isn’t it, when we have an idea in our head of how a situation should have gone or how they should have behaved but didn’t. That happened me a lot. I often got upset when he just didn’t do exactly as I had imagined in my head. It will continue to cause frustration I think, I’m sure you’ve already explained outright what you need him to do?

I don’t think you over reacted to be honest. You just reacted and there is nothing wrong with your feelings. Nothing wrong with having feelings, especially after all the trauma you’ve been through. I’d zone most of the ‘noise’ out.

Never mind his sister – mind over matter- you don’t mind cos she don’t matter! If she feels she has the upper hand, let her think that. It won’t serve her. It’s pointless for her to have that attitude and that will transpire in time.

Some days I really really want to let my ex know my thoughts – for various reasons. I hate the idea that he’s fine, that he’s already gone about planning some of his future on his own and here I am like a right fool aching and heartbroken and STILL talking about it. So I might drag him back to the drama so he doesn’t get to sail off into the sunset so easily- bad I know, but it’s part of how I feel. Also, I feel like it was all so abrupt and while talking about it won’t change it, I cling to the idea it will do…..something. I dunno. There is nothing more to say I guess. It is what it is but in some ways I want him to know how much he has hurt me. But what stops me completely is pride.

I’m in pieces, I’m empty and I feel lost without him, I’m unhappy and don’t see a bright future, but I feel that him not knowing how badly I’m coping is the ONLY grain of dignity I have left. That he would view me as pathetic or weak if he really knew what was going on with me. So there lies the dilemma!

My little nephew is in bed now but I can’t wait to see him in the morning!

My elderly relative passed away the poor thing, but she lived a long long life and it was peaceful. So that has given comfort to her immediate family.

My heart betrayingly wonders if I will hear anything from him on my birthday on Monday. 99.9 per cent chance I won’t – why would I. But hope just won’t give up. Or delusion. I’m gonna try and think of ways to stay distracted this weekend.