Also watching those people who overcame their struggles makes me feel more confident about myself and motivates me to express myself and challenge the stereotypes. I am working on adopting a mindset “As long as I’m improving myself each day and enjoying the moment, that’s what matters in life. I don’t have to be a certain expectation and it’s okay to fail sometimes. Sometimes just holding things together is the best that someone can do.” And this gives me hope because it lessens the burden on me to try to find how to express myself so others will see my gender identity. Although I do want others’ appreciation, I have started to not really care about their approval because I just want to be happy being me. My parents are still unaccepting of my gender identity but I’m not going to let that limit me from being myself. I think I am going to work on releasing myself from the expectations of what masculinity is and find my own self and how to present my gender identity without being burdened with societal expectations. I struggled with crippling dysphoria about my chest not being flat enough to look masculine for a long time, but after hearing other transgender males’ stories on YouTube about their struggles and how they mirror my own I feel less alone and I find that I can be healthy and do the little things that make me feel happy about myself. I don’t want to use anorexia to make myself look like I have a flatter chest because that just makes my health worse and it’s such a burden because the inner critic is telling me how I’m not flat enough to fit societal expectations of being masculine. I want to be healthy and I don’t want to ruin my health trying to please the inner critic or fit into expectations of what masculinity should be. I don’t want the burden of expectations anymore and I am working on embracing myself for my flaws and it feels like a relief. Each day I try to think of something good about myself or something I can do to make myself feel worthwhile and I do it. It can be something as simple as lifting a heavy load and feeling strong or feeling the wind blow my short hair in directions and being grateful for my short hair. I try to make the little things matter that eases my insecurities and I find myself cracking a smile every now and then. Sometimes my smile will help someone else who is stressed and it lights a fire in my heart to see how the little things sometimes can make much difference for me or others. It is not always easy and some days I still feel like I have fallen into the hole of dysphoria and those days I just take time off and focus on myself. I can’t think of anything else because of the pounding in my head telling me that I’m not mad enough and I’ll cry at times. Some days I have to let the rain wash away the illusions of myself so I can allow the rainbow of my true self to shine on the other days at full brightness. I want to be happy being myself and I feel more hopeful that I’m on that path. I do feel bad that I don’t have time to hang out with friends as much as I wish, but I want to focus on myself more. I am graduating Spring 2019 semester and have to submit my application to transfer to Rutgers University- New Brunswick before February 1st. I still have time, but I have to pace myself because I also will be spending winter break December 21st-January 22nd preparing for my Spring semester classes and reviewing some material. I like your advice Anita about not making plans that I’m not sure if I can make. I have been wondering how to know what things I should devote my attention to other than school.