Dear Janus, Earth Angel:

I didn’t think of technology regarding you organizing your notes! Of course it is the best way to eliminate paper clutter. I understand keeping graphs and such. Regarding preserving paper there are those  plastic protectors into which you can insert papers. Going over old notes with pen reads  like a whole lot of work, I hope it is not necessary for you to do that.

“There isn’t a thing such as perfection and I think I’m done trying to chase it”- excellent aim. You will have to  keep stating  this to the inner critic who is not done with you, although you have made lots of progress and continue to work on it and reap the results of this hard work. My own inner critic is not done with me either, but it is way weaker than it ever was… finally, years  of hard  work, still  ongoing.

Regarding your struggle with gender identity, I would like to understand better, so I will tell you what I do understand and you can tell me if I am correct, and correct me where I am not: you dislike or hate (?) having a female body, specifically you dislike having  breasts, so much so that you tried to get rid of them as much as possible by losing weight, and you try to hide them in a chest brace. You want to look like a guy, flat chest, muscular body, no feminine curves, short hair (the easy part to achieve). And you want to feel like a guy, stronger physically, able to lift heavy things. And you want other people to address you and refer to you as a guy (not as a transgender?) So you figure sometime in the future to go through a transition, that is, to remove those breasts for one. Am I correct so far?

Regarding friends, friends do  not make friends feel guilty (“I feel like my friends try to make me  feel guilty”), they do not significantly misunderstand you, assuming what is not true and sticking  to wrong assumptions (“They tell me things like ‘You have it quite easy..”- farthest thing from the truth, by the way); friends are not straining (“they can be straining”), demanding of your help and time (“they seek my help and company all the time”), and they don’t conflict with your education and better future (“my friends and my education is being conflicted”). So.. well, limit your interactions with them to the Win-Win formula. Don’t Lose so that they will Win, what a shame that will be and I would strongly dislike if that happens, or continues to happen!

You are welcome, and thank you for your kind words and good wishes for me. It is a pleasure for me to communicate with you. I value you and respect you and am so  pleased to see/ read your progress  over time, very impressive!

anita