Dear TRW:

You are welcome. I don’t believe there is a private messaging option here.

When he is drunk he expresses to you that you are a waste of human flesh and he uses you as his punching bag ( “I am made to believe I am the biggest waste of human flesh on the planet… I can no longer be his punching bag”). When he is sober he cherishes you.

You wrote: “missing his sober companionship makes it hard to leave… Leaving the mean drunk is easy. Letting go of the other half who cherishes me is heartbreaking”.

My input this morning: part of him is  angry when sober and when drunk. That part expresses  itself under the influence  of alcohol because of the lowering of inhibitions. His anger is  not brought about by alcohol, it is easily expressed as abuse because of alcohol.

If he was to become permanently sober, no longer drinking at all, his anger will still be there, it is not going anywhere. And it will express itself. How, I don’t know. Maybe in a passive aggressive way.

Maybe he is trying to balance his mean-drunk part with extra-cherishing-sober part. Maybe if he is permanently or long term sober, he will not feel a need  to balance a mean drunk  part, and will be not so cherishing either.

What do you think?

anita