Hi GL, thank you for your thoughts; they do make me think.

I do want to set up a family and raise kids of own with a loving guy at a certain time of my life. I think the misalignment with the expected timeline as well as the uncertainties associated with this causes my greater anxiety and frustration. Of course, I know my selfishness plays a big part in this too… messing with my emotional and physical well being. Maybe I should take a break from this relationship. But I do love him and miss him… I sometimes do hate myself for being like this…