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Hi Kkasxo,
It’s starting to go round my head a little more today as I processed nothing last night at all. Just fell asleep.
I can’t say my ex sees a future with me to be honest, when I referenced that, I meant he said that in the past and I wanted to know what he meant back then when he said it. He gave me no indication that there would be anything further with us ever again.
As I said, I feel he only suggested speaking at Xmas because he knows I find it a hard time of year due to previous bereavements.
So basically, I’m not sure how to feel. Are we done, can I move on now? Is there some glimmer of hope? Did I totally read the situation wrong?! No clue. Some other questions re-entered my head OF COURSE after I had left him! I couldn’t think of any in his presence, typical!
I messaged him when I got home to say thanks for meeting me and that he looked really good (there seemed to be a bit of electricity when we met) and then told him to look after his injury and take care. He just responded by saying ‘you too’.
I do believe he loves me, but I don’t think he’s ready to accept that. Also, I think the love is as much love as he is capable of giving, but is less than what is possible – according to other people’s opinions and my therapists advice.
I wish I was in a position to be happy to explore new possibilities but I’m not. The thoughts of even going on a date with some random stranger feels absolutely something I would hate.
I guess I didn’t ask what I wanted to/should have asked. Is there a chance for us in the future. But I was conscious of not putting too much pressure on our interaction and not expecting too much from the outcome. So I let it lie. Maybe that’s a cop out, maybe I just was too afraid to hear the answer – I don’t know. I guess I’m trying to be self aware.
He is incredibly stubborn, like no-one I’ve ever met. So even if his family pushed him to change his mind, he wouldn’t. He fundamentally believes he did the right thing and he can’t make himself feel something he doesn’t feel. So he’s not gonna get back into something where the outcome will be the same and he will feel restricted and unhappy.
In fairness he told me of lots of silly crappy things that have happened to him lately and I felt a small measure of contentment at his discomfort which I joked about! Karma sometimes works out! He attended his work Xmas party last weekend and went for a nap in his hotel while his colleagues were eating dinner as it was an event for partners aswell and he didn’t want to highlight that he was single but he said they all figured it out by the end of the night.