Dear Ben:

You are welcome.

Reads to me that you will benefit from quality psychotherapy where you will address your anxiety with a capable, empathetic therapist (not all therapists are created equal!).

Reads to me that you have a good relationship with a loving, supportive woman. It is really not possible  to feel affection and love when one  is consumed with fear. And really, we don’t do a good job thinking when afraid.

No matter where your thoughts take  you, you better decrease this anxiety, regulate it before relying on your thinking on this issue, your relationship. It is not time to think, I think (and I am calm thinking this…).

When I attended  my first quality therapy, my therapist at the time taught me skills, or using his words, provided me with a tool box, a box with tools to regulate the anxiety at this or that circumstance. At one time, I picked up the take-a-walk-outside tool, at another, listen to a short guided meditation (of the Mindfulness theme), at  another, yoga, or other exercise, or a hot  shower… or a talk with a supportive  friend. You keep noticing how you feel and  when you notice that your anxiety is increasing you choose  one of the tools. You can  even carry with you a list  of those tools.

When you find yourself anxious and thinking, postpone the thinking and  relax, do the thinking later, when you calmed down.

It is quite common for anxiety to focus on this or that when it is not about this or that. Anxiety is like this energy that is floating around in the brain, restless, looking for a place to nest a nd rest. Your anxiety happened to nest  in your relationship, but from your description it is the wrong  nest.

Regarding the right nest, the origin of your anxiety (we are all anxious by the way, we people), it may be something you will explore in therapy?

anita