Dear Ladybug:

We communicated back and forth for a  long time. This relationship is no longer about love, the way I see it. It is about fear, guilt and anger.

May of this year, the beginning of your first thread, you wrote: “I think he  feels like crap because of the pain he  is causing me”. On this thread you wrote that you told  him that “he is  the  one who has wasted 3 years of my life and love”, and following you suggesting a one week separation he “asked how am I going  to cope”. You answered him: “I will have to  suffer and deal with the pain”. Next, “He then said but his  worried about me.. then he  mentioned  that he has been taking care of me for almost 3 years”.

I think he is staying with you because he is afraid that  you  will not  live without him. And I  think you keep letting him know that you cannot live without him. How can a  man feel in-love with a woman he is afraid to leave?

He  is afraid of other things as well, I am sure. But  his fear  that  you will not live without him is great and  he  doesn’t  want to be the reason for your collapse if  he leaves you. He very  well knows how desperately you feel that  you need him.

You are angry at him and he knows that as well.

Sure he has  his own issues from long ago,  but so do you, no less. And  the two of you are together because of fear, not because of love, not anymore.

I don’t think you can rely  on your explanations of what is  going  on, not anymore. Underneath those on-the-surface logical explanations, there is  your illogical and desperate need for him. This need should be  addressed in quality individual psychotherapy for yourself, as soon  as possible, I believe.

anita