Dear Anita,

Thank you so much for checking up on me. Sorry for the delayed reply, but I do know that you are are a few hours behind in time zone I think.

I feel incredibly better, almost like a 180. I wanted to actually talk to you about that. If this was about a year ago, I would attribute this as ups and downs, almost like a “bipolar” sort of way of feeling. One day super low distress, and the next day super high and OK. Of course, ups and downs all the time or not a great way to exist. But I see things like this differently now, now that I am on the path.

I see anxiety, although not useful or productive, can be an indicator – only when we know our self. When we know our self well. There is a different between acute and chronic anxiety. Just like in medicine with acute and chronic disease. I suffer from chronic anxiety for obvious reasons and background. And of course some days are better than others. This is a background state.

But what I experienced recently was acute. It was terrible. It was distress disproportionate to my current “state of life.” In short – it was an alarm.

It was a state of dis-ease that was alarming me to something – that something must change. Find it fix it. It must change. And so you try and you try. But nope it persists.

But then there is you. And our dialogue. And it is like being on the brink of solving an algebraic equation but not having the mental capacity (due to confusion and distress). So your trusted friend jumps in and finished to the right of the equal sign.

And that is just it.

Good girl = Bad wife

that’s just it. No wonder it feels like I can’t do both no wonder I feel an automatic pull to help even at the detriment at my own personal life.  O wonder! Oh it makes so much sense Anita. I explained this to my husband today – and it made great sense to him too. And the next part of not helping.

And yes. This is #2 struggle. There is one and two. Sure life will throw me more lemons and hurdles. But that’s life. That is not 1 and 2. No those are extraordinarily difficult circumstances that are brought to me only as a result of my trouhled, traumatized, and warped upbringing.

All else is the rest of the world. The rest of life. I have the power and means to tackle this world only when I can be me. And this is only when I resolve 1, and now 2.

It makes sense and it is quite beautiful. Beautiful because it is-  simplicity and …truth.

Thank you once again for helping me see the truth. As you have said – the truth will set you free.

• This reply was modified 5 years, 11 months ago by Cali Chica.
• This reply was modified 5 years, 11 months ago by Cali Chica.