Well, i dont know. Maybe it is a fear of future. Maybe it is my parents divroce. maybe its me being neutral to both parents. i dont know why, i just envy my friends parents. They are watching movie together,  their parents are super helpful and open. and i just have a feeling that i dont love my parents. i would like to but i dont want to. It may have to do something with me being super duper hyperactive and diagnoesd with ADHD, parents were treating me like ordinary kid and I didnt always understand them. I was being shouted at grounded for many things that seemed normal to me. but apparently werent