I still feel confused. I don’t think he is a bad guy… Maybe I make it too easy for others to abuse or use me? Maybe my behaviour misleads others into mistreating me? That’s also what I thought about my other ex. Am I abusing him by letting him abuse me? I still get very confused when thinking about it.

I do hope that K. feels o.K. I don’t want him to think he hurt me or that he feels guilty… Do you think my question about, if he also feels weird that our communication was so sparse, was too accusing? I just wanted clarity… I didn’t want to make him feel stressed.

My encounters with men are always a mess! I know my behaviour is abnormal. At least I know one thing: I don’t want to have sex with any men again, until I know and trust them. I need to learn to trust myself more.