Michelle,

You have had such a positive impact on me in your posts. It is heartening to see someone who knows exactly what this pain and hurt feels like, but genuinely has made it out the other end. Perhaps it will come to the stage where my ex says he wants no more contact and they, as you say, I will be forced to crawl back up again.

Kkasxo, I think you’ve answered your own question! What rational person would do this? None! That’s the point, rationale is not in full flow yet, the heart is still in control and I guess it’ll be in control until it’s not.

I know what hope is like, if you have it, it’s hard to move on from anything. I experienced a very close bereavement years ago and people say to me, Shelby you handled that, this is not half as bad. But actually, with death, I felt it was somewhat easier to accept, in the sense that it’s final. There were no questions for me, the person was gone and could not come back. In relationships it’s different, if there is hope at all, however misguided, I cling to it.

Why don’t you decide, from today, ok…..I know what i think i ‘should’ do, but instead of beating myself up about the fact that I’m not doing it and I want to give us another go, I’m just gonna accept that this is my choice for now and be happy with it. Throw yourself into it so that you can at least say you gave it your very best shot. If a time comes down the road when you want to change your mind, so be it. But that time is not now, so give it your best, with no chastising yourself for doing it? x