Dear Anita,

Is not that I want to give up on having a relationship, but I have to, I think all this is too intense for me to handle it.

I had a couple of times in the past in which guys were interested in me, they were nice and good men, but I do not feel attracted to them in the intellectual part, plus by then I was focus in other things, like school and work.

I do not really remember a lot about my childhood, I do not why but I remember a lot of bad parts, but I am sure there were good parts too. I remember that my mother was always angry at me and that many times I just prayed and wished to die, I loved my father a lot because when he came back from work I knew I would be safe. Then when I was around 11, I distance myself from him because my mother said he cheated on her and I had to chose if I wanted to be with him or her, I chose her, they were supposed to separate, but they never did and they are still together, however since then I am not longer close to my father anymore, we say hello and small talk but nothing more. I moved away from home when I was 17 when I started college, my parents supported me while I studied, because with the gigs I had I just could not pay all my expenses. It was when I started college that I god depressed, I was on medication for about three years, I do not really know what caused that, I think it was because I wanted to be still in high school and I was not ready to move to college, high school was a very good experience, for the first time after many years I had friends again and I did not want to start over, other times I think I god depressed because I was not living with my parents anymore, but I am not sure. During that time my mother changed completely and seemed caring about my situation, however in her intent to care about me she invaded my space and everything, I could not do anything without her knowing, I guess it was because she was scared of me killing myself or something. After I finished college I started to work, I lived by myself, but my mother was always around. Four years ago I got a job offer to work abroad, I accepted it without hesitation, maybe I was trying to escape from everything in my home country including my mother, I wanted to be free. At the beginning I was overwhelmed about being completely by myself, but I god used to it. So, now I do not live with my parents anymore, I visit them a couple of times a year, I wish a lot to see them, but when I am there after a couple of days I want to go far away again, I feel really bad about this feeling because they supported me a lot and I know they care about me, but I feel trapped when I am with them.

Kay