Hello – think this is an old thread – but I can’t believe what I am reading. I felt completely alone in this situation. Now I see so many others have felt the exact same pain I have. I thought no one in this world could understand – it is such a unique problem and completely unheard of to all my British friends.

My boyfriend is Sri Lankan. We met last year while I was there and I was planning to return in May to spend one month with him. We were so excited and had even spoken about the possibility of marriage in the future. We had dreams of him coming to England where he could follow his dreams of becoming a Psychotherapist (he had no hope of achieving this in Sri Lanka). We spoke every day on the phone for hours since I returned to the UK. It was hard of course not to be with him physically but everything was great apart from that and I had no doubts in our relationship. Our love is so strong.

But then he became distant for 1 week and eventually 1 week ago broke the news to me his family had arranged a wedding for him and a girl they have chosen from his village. The wedding will take place in 1 week from now. I was so shocked as I did not even know arranged marriages existed in Sri Lanka. At first I was in complete denial. Then I was so angry. I felt he had chosen this and that I meant nothing to him as he couldn’t protest against his family to be with me. I tried vehemently to convince him not to attend the wedding. He begged me to understand, saying if I could see things from his eyes I would understand that he loves me so much but he cannot shame his family like that. They know about me and that he loves me – he even told the girl he is marrying that he loves me, and she said not to worry as he will forget about me soon as I’m living so far away. Then I was jealous at the thought of him with another woman. Then I was devastatingly upset as I accepted that this really was going to happen.

Now, in this whirlwind of emotions, I have finally seen things from his perspective, as hard as it is being from such a different culture. And I understand he has to do this. And he feels so alone. All his friends are trying to convince him not to go to the wedding – they saw how happy we were together. But I know this is hurting him even more that he feels he has no one’s support in this horrible choice that has been made for him that he has to go through with.

We are still talking here and there. He’s in a very fragile mental state and after all the pain and denial I am now just trying to be there for him so he feels less alone in this week building up to the wedding. My friends are telling me to cut contact with him now as it will only get harder, but I care so much about him I cannot leave him stranded alone in his pain. I can see his mind is a war zone right now. Maybe I am putting myself and my needs aside for the moment – but I really love this man. I feel I have no choice.

When the wedding day comes I plan to block him from all social media and my phone. It is going to be so hard, but I am not interested in being part of that dynamic. Our love was pure and sweet and exciting. I want it to stay that way forever in my mind without being tainted by being a woman he is having a secret affair with outside his marriage.

This must be the hardest way to lose your love. It is not through choice at all by either of us – and for those saying if he really loved you he would abandon his family for you – I really don’t believe it is that simple. Some things have been ingrained since birth. I don’t agree with it of course, but I know that he loves me crazy amounts. I don’t doubt that for a moment.

It has been so hard to get my head round the fact his family – the ones he has been conditioned to be so desperate to please – supposedly love him and want what’s best for him, yet have inflicted this much pain on him and ignored all his wishes. I will never understand it, and I sadly will not return to Sri Lanka now as I think I might forever resent it as the culture that, beautiful as it is in many aspects, took away my love.

Like all of you on here have sadly experienced, I am hopelessly in pain now, wondering when/if it will end. In my desperation I have collected countless advice from anyone who will give it, and while it all helps, I think time is the only thing I can rely on to ease the pain. I’m so sorry to you all – I know how much it hurts. Everything happens for a reason, but I am struggling to find the reason in this, especially for him as he enters a very permanent loveless relationship.