Hi Lisa

I am worried that if I do this therapy, I will end up hating my mother and father and I think that would really hurt me a lot.

“All parents damage their children. It cannot be helped. Youth, like pristine glass, absorbs the prints of its handlers. Some parents smudge, others crack, a few shatter childhoods completely into jagged little pieces, beyond repair.” ― Mitch Albom

The reality of all relationships is that its not possible to give or receive everything we need. Its just not.

As Mitch Albom noted even the most perfect parents will fail… perhaps by being perfect setting up the child’s expectations for perfection.

One of the tasks of becoming (individuation) is coming to terms with the mother and father complex. (every adult is faced with this task) The intention here isn’t about blaming one’s parents but taking responsibility for one’s own nurturing of the self and setting up healthy boundaries.  That said our relationship with our parents has influence our ability to nurture and protect ourselves so working with your therapist to dig into that relationship can be helpful.

Again, its not about blame but becoming more conscious of what we need to work on within ourselves (its not about your parents or your x, this is about you and becoming the best you.) During the process it is likely that you will see your parents as individuals. Individuals with needs, hopes and dreams separate from the role of mother and father who like all human beings succeed and failed. Doing so will create space for you to give yourself what they may not have been able to give you. (Connecting to the energy of the mother/father archetype within taking responsibly for your growth)

The exercise of sitting in front of an empty chair is a form of active imagination where you get to hear your thoughts out load. Nothing like hearing our thoughts out loud to point out where we are being real or not.   The process is not about your x or being right or wrong but a means of gaining clarity and release. No judgments against your self or others. Eventually you may realize ‘you’ are not your experiences or your emotions. You have experiences and emotions. Getting to a place where you can make that distinction allows the experience to flow verses becoming ‘constipated’ by it.

Buy yes if you are not comfortable or ready for that type of therapy your therapist should respect that… however expect him/her to push a little. We all need to be pushed a little.