Dear Jemma,

Where does your shame come from?

You acknowledge that you have trust issues, but you don’t allow yourself to have insecurities. It seems that every time any insecurities about your relationship crop up, you shame yourself. You get angry and question your integrity/sincerity towards your partner. But does your partner expect you to be this magical unicorn that does not have a care in the world? Because across the keyboard, it seem like you’re very human. That, or you’re a relationship programed AI. But assuming that you are human, then you’ll find it useful to look at your very human insecurities and why you feel ashamed for feeling insecure. Certainly, insecurities isn’t rainbow and sunshine, but for any one human to have insecurities is human nature. It’s not right or wrong, it is simply how humans are wired. It’s just many people have found ways to live their life even with their insecurities.

Of course, while many people desire to erase their complex, it won’t go away just because you don’t want to see it. The more you try to push it away, the more it’ll try to gain your attention in a more grotesque way. The insecurity is a part of you after all, so who would like it when a part of who you are as a person is rejected? You’re only human.

So rather than ask how to ‘fix’ your insecurity, first ask why it’s shameful for you to have insecurities.

• This reply was modified 5 years, 10 months ago by GL.