Morning all.

Hey Shelby, it’s only been a month since you’ve contacted, that really is no time at all, so it’s not foolish whatsoever, it’s normal, expected.  I know some people do seem to get through or over it much quicker but from those I’ve known, it seems as though it’s a more superficial getting over, if that makes any sense. As in they quickly look for another person to ‘plug the gap’ and are then surprised when that doesn’t work out either. You are taking the longer, harder but eventually truly happier route, wherever it may lead.

But none of that helps with the practical day-on-day “I just miss him dammit” eh, I know!! Depending on your state of mind, sometimes it can be helpful to try to think through exactly what it is you are missing/needing. As I progressed I would find it wasn’t always necessarily actually him, but more the feeling/memory of being with him – a hug, warmth, comfort, being safe, not needing to think about my future – feelings I so very strongly associated as only coming from being with him. I was pretty good at adapting the reality of the relationship so it was perfect with none of the niggles/issues to make sure I missed it more.  Sounding familiar at all??  But if I was already low/sad/lonely, thinking about it was the worst thing I could do as it would make me sink deeper into self-pity and I’d look to get into action.Hugs & contact from friends, family just weren’t the same, but they did help. So I would try to reach out and became better at making sure I had enough organised to meet my needs the best I could whilst I waited it out for time to do her thing.

Many people stay good friends with their ex’s, after all, you were best friends as well as lovers which is why it’s so hard to lose both at the same time. There is nothing wrong with contacting him, keeping him in your life and still enjoying his company like that, if he is up for that. It doesn’t have to be full on cold turkey, everybody’s way is different. It is whatever is right for you and you alone. It doesn’t matter at all what is ‘normal’, ‘expected’ or what other people think.  It’s only really a problem if you don’t feel ready/strong enough to be able to deal with trying to build a different kind of relationship with him, that it would stop you being able to look for what you need and want in your life.  And I think that’s where you know you just aren’t ready to be able to do that yet??

Morning Kkasxo, hope all going ok with you too?