Valora, you make sense.  Lots of sense.  I do think that if I was able to find someone that was a match for me, then my feelings would fade.  As for her taxes, well she isn’t going to get as much as we had hoped.  so back to square one…

This is all so confusing for me and so tormenting in some ways.  We are creeping up on the anniversary of the day we met.  2/5/19.  I can’t help but wonder if this is how my ex was feeling at this time when she left me?  If she did love me but wasn’t “in love” with me like she should have been.  If there were just too many issues that she did try to deal with and couldn’t anymore.  But then I wonder if she was feeling this way and did reach out to another man before she left me.  Even if it was just conversation.  Just like I had done with my girlfriend.

I know I can’t think what if or question or assume things.  Just telling you all what has been going through my mind.  Including “why in the world would someone that clearly expressed they want nothing to do with me EVER.  Why would the repeatedly come back?”

Just sucks sometimes.   I did work on my daughters quad some and my friends car some last night and watched a show with my girlfriend before bed.  She could tell i wasn’t myself though.  I just kept telling her I was tired.

I don’t know how to do this or if/when I tell her that she needs to move on and it’s not working.  I don’t even know where to begin that conversation or ???

If you haven’t noticed.  I’m the type that would rather suffer than bring someone else hurt and pain.

Brandy,  Yes i do know what motivates my ex.  She loves being the one in control, the one to say yes or no, not the one lingering in the wind waiting for someone else.  She does have an attitude and other things.  What i meant by “I still get that good feeling when she would text me” is simple.  No matter what she has done or will ever do.  I love her.  I love her deep in my heart in places I didn’t even know existed within myself.  I can’t explain it.  I don’t understand how someone could love someone that much.  Especially after all that has happened and almost a year and a half later after she left me and clearly had no issues moving on with another man quickly.  I don’t think  a love like that ever goes away.  and seeing her words on my phone…  even if she was a bitch…  I just can’t explain it.  It puts a smile on my face.

I hate it.  I hate that i ever gave myself to someone that way.  I feel so defeated some days.

I have to get to work.  thanks fro your replies.