Dear anita,

I’m sorry for not having responded to you or to any of these replies but, I had to take some time for myself, meditate and sort things out in my mind, try to get hold of my new beginning.

Re seeing the things you quoted from my first topic entry, I feel like that happened a loooooong time ago. Almost forgotten all the pain. And him. I am happy to say, I almost forgot about him and he passes through my mind occasionally now. And when he does, either I get angry (with myself for allowing this treatment upon me) or I make a fool out of him. I know these are not the most positive energies to have  but it’s a start at least. Tell me your opinion about it, you’re really wise I find.

So, after much determination, meditation, prayer and focusing on ME for the first time ever, I saw drastic results. I consulted with my family, dear friends and with a psychologist. I found out that I was feeling like a failure because I’m codependent. A people’s pleaser, a yes girl and non assertive at all. My therapist said that the fact I broke up with him and didn’t look back, that I stood my ground and didn’t beg, was the most assertive and independent thing a person who loves themselves can do. So he said, unconsciously my soul awakened me to this reality of who I want to be.

In conclusion, my ex was a narcissist. He was manipulating all my emotions and actions, silenced my mouth with the threat of breaking up. He would go cold every time I asked for the basics and treat me like an obedient subject. I wish him all the best, but I’m out for good.

Therapy, hobbies (for me it’s the gym), working and meeting friends was a great remedy for me. My overthinking has subsidized, I silenced the “b*tch” I had in my brain criticizing me ALL THE TIME, and bringing me down. I’m taking steps to overcome codependency, start saying no, stop caring so much about others opinions and feelings and becoming more selfish. Not in the negative meaning of those words, but just to be able to be me. Value me and my wants.

Anyway I’ll love to hear more from you! I’m so glad I’m writing now with more positive thoughts!! ?