Emily,

You have expressed yourself so beautifully, so many strive their entire life to achieve what your mind has done for you. A perfect escape-I have experienced all you speak of and so much more. You may ask yourself what is the alternative. The alternatives are innumerable versus the negative feelings you have, a reaction as if this is something bad. Looking at many other cultures within many of them this is a very unique and special experience. Only a good mind can be blown, your mind needs lots of rest so let it rest in knowing that this is the new you. Feelings are temporary so please listen. Being victimized by your new reality would become a downward spiral, that would be horrific you don”t want to become a victim so you may ask yourself how many others has this happened to how do they cope, well you are coping by reaching out. Keep reaching out your conquest has begun you may now become a seeker, of knowledge. Instead of derealization I call this realization. In another culture this can be called impostor syndrome in another enlightenment and normal as it is to be suffering it isn”t a choice right now in your near future it will be a choice. You are one in all the billions on the earth right now except you like many are stuck looking in so looking inwardly. Know that we all are suffering the same discovery you have made except you have become aware. You and I have to answer the knock on the door we are seeing feeling and touching the introspection of others as well as our own. I sometimes look at the story of “Scrooge” the ghosts of the past present a future visit him in his dreams he makes a choice to become a loving giving caring person perhaps you can understand that many others need you right now. Perhaps to be able to put aside your own suffering may you help another? Think of all the good kind and selfless deeds you have done for others in your life, can you do more? Doing one kind deed an act of love once or twice a day may allow you to see the inner connectedness,  the needs we all have and no matter how much we have we all need love and approval, can you give that ? Emily Thank you for you allowing me to give you my insight.