Dear Anita,

What is behind the scenes anyway…?

You are right…prepare. I am ready to prepare.  Let’s go for it.

Scenario 1 – all off the top of my head.

• that girl N – who also knows my sister from all these years and they have texted in the past for my wedding etc
• texts my sister, oh what happened to your sister, haven’t heard from her is she okay
• she tends to do this – as to make it look like she is caring, but just seeking control and validation
• anyway, my sister – as has happened in the past – reaches out and says, N keeps texting me and asking about you, I don’t know what to do.
• to which I become stressed, stressed that N is so persistent, and stressed that it is causing my sister agitation.

Scenario 1 solution:

• I say, calmly – via text back:
• okay, I have decided to no longer communicate with N
• It is your choice how to approach her, she is someone you know through me, I will leave it at your discretion.
  • aka saying, I made my choice, it is no longer my problem.  Just like when my parents harass you, to get info – yes I now this is bothersome, but I don’t have to change my values and decisions because they bother you, nor will I. As an adult YOU choose how to deal with these pests.  You too have the tools.  We all do.