Hi Anita,

I feel very torn as of late. After you and I have discussed my past more and how to confront my mother with it and having done that, I feel a weight has lifted and I have not that about the ex of 2 years ago much at all. When I have, it is more a fleeting thought about how little I care about or miss him anymore. More of a “what was I thinking?” sort of thought, which is much more tolerable than before.

That being said, I am so confused as to what to do about my current relationship. In putting the past behind me, I feel more connected with my partner than ever, and for once we are on the same page about the status of our relationship. He is not trying to leave, nor force it forward, and neither am I. We are having open, honest and frank discussions about where we see ourselves and relationship going in the future.

The reason he apologized for getting angry and threatening to never speak to me again in our last disagreement is because after he had time to calm down, he realized he overreacted, and he felt poorly of himself for not accepting my many apologies at the time for upsetting him (it was not my intention at all). It’s actually one of the few times he’s sincerely apologized on his own accord, and in some ways it makes me feel like he is making progress towards greater self-awareness of his temper and empathy for others. He, like myself, is a work in progress and I believe has a ways to go in the emotional development department, but I believe fully that he loves me. And I love him, I really do. Do I ever feel the intense and raw physical attraction I felt towards my ex of 2 years ago? No. But at the same time, my current partner makes me laugh, he is sweet (most of the time), doting, and I am very comfortable around him–something I have rarely had with men I have dated in the past.

My concern now is our future more than anything. He would need to stay in Switzerland for a bare minimum of 4 more years, and ideally, he would like to stay permanently. I am open to relocating to be with him for that time, maybe a bit longer, but I would like to stay in Canada long term as I believe we would have a better quality of life given what we could afford here versus there. However, he is an only child, and his mother is extremely attached (and somewhat possessive) to him, and I believe this makes it very complicated for him to move here one day.

L