Good morning ladies,

Michelle – thank you so much for your kind words. I know exactly what you mean by helping others helps you in a sense, I think I kind of threw myself into that a little recently as a form of distraction with one of my friends currently going through some up and downs with her partner and another friends father passed away in a tragic accident a few days ago. So I am point of call for those people now. Although in my case it isn’t particularly helping me right now, nothing seems to be. And to add to that point as I know both yourself & Shelby have mentioned this to me before, I am seriously considering medication at this point. It is exactly what it is there for right? I don’t understand my thought process sometimes. Shelby, in my eyes you are a strong, brave and incredible woman and why the hell would you not help to ease some pain with medication?! It doesn’t make you any weaker, if anything the decision makes you stronger! I see that! So why can I not apply that to my own self? In any case, it is a serious consideration of mine at this point because I am struggling severely with PTSD, depression and anxiety. Ultimately I can have a few good days of distraction and then I always end up back in this sad sad place – it’s been 9 months and nothing has shifted.. I’ve discussed this with my therapist who too seems the idea is not a bad one and I will book a GP appointment to discuss my options in the next week or so.

I do think my other issue is the idea of me bothering people. I mean, I do it with you girls here, I’ve been quiet because I just feel like I’ve got nothing constructive to say to be able to help you instead I feel my words will just bring you down. And it is the same with the majority of those in my life. My family for one have absolutely no clue that I’ve been down in the gutter for so long and that I am indeed struggling because I am oh so good at putting on a brave face so not to worry them! I may need to consider opening up to a family member at this rate, perhaps then I wouldn’t feel like I am at it alone? Who knows eh!