Dear Kkasxo:

Now I know more about your family background, I appreciate it that you shared as much as you  did in your most recent post. It may be helpful, I hope so. If you want we can go back and forth for a while so  to figure out further what is going on (and what is not going on):

You wrote about your biological father: “he was unreliable and maybe didn’t want to be around as much as he was, my mum always made sure that we spent time together”-

Does him being unreliable (before he cut all contact with you when you were 18) mean that sometimes he was supposed to visit you at a certain time but he was late or didn’t show up at all, and if so, do you remember how you felt?

You wrote that your mother made sure that he spent time with you: as a child, did you hear her talk to him, on the phone or otherwise, criticizing him for not seeing you often enough?

anita