Mark – thanks for reading. I am trying to work through things, I’ve been to a bit of therapy, but took a break from it primarily due to time constraints (I started a new job with a longer commute, I now am solely responsible for taking care of my dog, etc). I have leaned on friends quite a bit and they have been helpful, for the most part. I know they often don’t know how to help or what to do, but they have been there for me as best they can. I do need to find a better way to take care of myself, since everything has transpired, I’m down about 20lbs, I wasn’t sleeping – though I’m doing a bit better now, and I have been numbing things a bit with more alcohol than I should.

I guess it’s hard for me to move on, I’m still a tad hopeful that things could turn around. The way that he’s acting is completely out of character and I worry about him emotionally, as I mentioned before, I’m wondering if there’s still a possibility that he changes his mind. I’ve not fully accepted this as my reality and want him back more than anything. I fully understand that we’d have a lot to work on. I just think it’s incredibly hard for me to understand how he isn’t willing to make an effort, to remedy things, when we had so many good years. It’s like he gave up the second a shiny new object (his 24 year old employee) came onto him…which again is so unlike him.

I have not fully started divorce proceedings…I have been to see a lawyer once to talk about preliminary steps, but that’s as far as I’ve gotten. We own a house together (that we bought prior to being married) and have a dog. I’ve been living in the house, which is truly my dream home and I’d ideally like to stay there, but at the same time, am not sure if it’s healthy for me to stay there.

I just feel like I’m in limbo right now and I know it’s not the right thing to wait around for him, but I don’t want to let go of that bit of hope that this isn’t permanent. Maybe I’m a fool, but I’m still as in love with him as I’ve ever been, even though I’m upset with what he’s doing…