Dear Kat:

I read your two previous threads, first from Dec 2014, the second from Dec 2015. You described feeling “very protected and loved” with an ex boyfriend and “desired and protected and happy” with another man, later.

In the second thread you shared about a mostly long distance friendship of ten years. He told you that you were beautiful and exactly his type but he also had a girlfriend and he indicated to you that he was unhappy with her. At some point you told him that you felt more for him than a friend but he told you that he thought about his relationship with you as platonic only.

In your current thread you shared about a third man who “really struggles with the intimate side of the relationship… has Asperger’s and suffers from depression/anxiety.. he fears intimacy”. Following the two of you dating for three months and becoming “super close/ more connected than ever”, he distanced himself from you and suggested to be friends only. You’ve been friends with him for two months, but you “want to  find a partner in the next couple of years”.

My input: it is probably true to every young woman, to crave the feeling of being loved, desired and protected by a man. It is an inborn, natural female desire in many animal species, for the weaker female to be protected by a male who shows a mating desire in her.

It is interesting that in our human modern society, a woman often does not need the protection of man any more than a man needs the protection of a woman. This desire is fed by fairytales and romance novels, movies etc. and it makes the lives of many men very difficult, being burdened with unrealistic and unfair expectations.

Notice that in actual terms, you felt protected by the two men you shared about  but you were not protected by them, the two were in your life and then gone.

You want to find a life partner in the next couple of years. I’d say that your best bet is to approach your goal in a logical, sensible way. Figure out what characteristics you want in a life partner, what are must characteristics and what are preferred. Then as you meet men (online dating perhaps?), see to it that men without those must-characteristics are eliminated from your list of possibilities. This will save you a lot of time and trouble.

One more thing, you wrote: “about 2 months into this relationship, I was in a meditation session when out of nowhere a voice said ‘You should just be friends'”- do you mean that you think a voice external to you, a god’s/Universe’s voice told you that you should remain friends with the current guy, that if you remain friends with him, the friendship will turn to be  the life partnership that you desire?

anita