Dear anita,

hopefully I am making progress, I have to. Something like this cannot happen ever again.

I have to admit, that I was still confused during the phone call. The things he said, admitted to and expected were shocking to me. It took a while until it truly sunk in. But in the end I sent him a message, that I don’t want to see him again.

At the moment, I am not feeling too good about myself, but I am not a person that will give up easily. I try to remind myself, that I already took the first steps in the right direction. I can’t change what happened in the past, but I can learn from it and not make the same mistakes again. And I really, really don’t want to repeat them!

It is very essential for me to learn to not try to please others all the time! But the good thing is, I have already noticed my own behaviour more and am more aware of myself. From now on, I want to always take a moment to think about what I want, before making an important decision or before saying yes. I am sure I am repeating myself already… But these are the things I am thinking about a lot at the moment.

My obsession with other people’s thought’s – where did it come from? Maybe it’s a topic I can discuss in therapy. I already found some solutions that can help me, when I get stuck in this cycle of thinking again (like doing something else, going for a walk etc.). But I can tell you, it is hard to stop these thoughts, they are very persistent. Hopefully it will get better with time.

And how are you doing?