No clue if anyone will read this because i have been defensive and pushed people away – but I want to apologize for being that way. I’m pushing my friends from home and people on this site away. It just goes to show I’m a shitty person.

I appreciate all of your input up to this point. I won’t bother anyone – to those of you who tried to help, thank you. I’m just a lost cause who isn’t willing to accept my situation. I apologize for any time you’ve wasted. Best wishes.