Shelby,

Yes, I don’t know how but I have managed to continue going to work. Mind you, the last few days I have been unable to focus on anything at work and in fact was in tears only yesterday and opted hiding in the loo’s before I settled myself so my colleagues didn’t notice.. although quite a few have thrown the odd comment ‘hey is everything okay? You’ve not been yourself lately..’ I just brush it off with a smile and the usual I’m fine! Don’t get me wrong, work is the last place I want to be and it is a real struggle to get myself here everyday BUT I am aware that if I stop going things will only get worse and I definitely don’t want that to happen so I guess in a way it is the lesser of two evils?

I remember the story about your dad. He sounds somewhat similar to my mum. She doesn’t quite get it, maybe she doesn’t see my trauma as a good enough reason to actually be suffering this much? Who knows.. My mum is very very loving and compassionate BUT it seems this is beyond her. She does come from a background in which herself and even her mother (my grandma) have had a tough upbringing, affected by war at the time etc which probably hardened them to the realities of life today. Maybe she’s just struggling to accept that I am struggling? Maybe she’s not quite coping with this revelation knowing that they’re leaving in about 4/5 months and I will be here alone? I honestly wouldn’t know as I haven’t had that conversation with her nor do I wish to so I can only assume. I do however feel like it has created a strange atmosphere at home for the time being which I guess i anticipated for a while, hence why I didn’t mention this to anyone for so long… in any case, this pushes me even more to get out and want my own four walls.. Financially having worked things out its going to be okay, I hope, although I obviously wont be living quite as comfortably as I am now but maybe the peace of mind, privacy and alone time will be worth it. All in all, I think I just want out all together if im honest. I’d love to just run away and start a new life somewhere else.

You mention wanting some of your own space also. Have you thought any more about a career change recently?