Well we are taking a weekend trip away this weekend.  I am really curious to see how it goes.  If i feel like i’m just there with a friend or if I do enjoy her and being with her alone without kids or distractions.  I think that will be the final factor in my decision.  And if i do decide to end it, i will tell her that is has been something i’ve been battling in my mind, trying to figure out if it’s just feelings because of our situation or feelings that i just don’t have for her and that (if this trip doesn’t spark any feelings in me) this last trip, i realized I love her, but I’m not happy.  That I feel like there is always something there or more that will cause me and her to feel unhappy in our relationship.  That maybe I caused too much damage because of my on and off contact with my ex. and that i feel that she will never be able to trust me like she should(which is my fault for doing what i did).  And that i can’t live with that or live with any time i get on my phone or get a notification that i feel guilty and she feels insecure.

Let alone the issues with the kids and our freedom.

If you don’t mind, if i do do this, I think i will figure out what i’m going to say exactly and run it by you before I talk to her.  I want to try to be as delicate as I can, but yet firm and decided.  so she knows that it is done and we both need to move on.