I went on a trip, and took a week off work to spend some time away from my city with family and in a different environment. I felt so much better, stronger and like he had less power over me. Now i am back, back at work and back in the same city and same apartment and I feel like it is all coming back, my fear is coming back, my inability to move forward and be reminded of him and just having him so close by. I feel like i’ve moved 50 steps backwards.

This week is his birthday. Last week, he invited me to his birthday party saying: ” I realize that the party invite came out of nowhere. I said I wouldn’t leave you out of things that so many friends are invited to. I would like you to come as a friend. If that’s weird, i understand. It felt like it may be weird to invite you and weird not to. So I Thought with an invite at least you can make your own choice.”

I will be attending the party because i’m tired of being left out of the friend group. However his birthday is on thursday and I will wish him a Happy Birthday via text.

I still have questions for him, like why did he text me that he went off dating sites and the never followed up?

What do you think, do you think I could text him and ask him this when I text him to wish him a happy birthday?

It feels like such a different world and life now, but still connected to him in some ways.