Dear Cali Chica:

Congratulations, one year! In appreciation of this one year I went back in your thread to your post Feb 17, 2018 (you didn’t post Feb 18 or 19), you wrote then about the trip to Peru, you, your sister and your mother:

“we were on a trip to Peru… We are having a great time exploring… she has a breakdown. She hears everyone around us warning us about altitude sickness- and gets freaked out… She starts crying, calling my father, unable to be consolable. When I put my foot down and say we need to think of this practically- she calls my father and states: ‘my daughter is harassing me, tell me what to do.’ We go get lunch to try to calm her down… right then and there at the restaurant she has a histrionic episode.

She says she feels like gagging.. I try to reason with her again… she defends herself.. how dare you (I) put her down when she is already weak (threatening that I am kicking the dog when he is down). Long story short, we ended up cutting the trip short and returning back to NY the next day…. Her response to us on our way back was… ‘make sure when you go back you don’t tell anyone this happened… tell them great… don’t talk to your friends for the week.. My enabling father picks us up at the airport, and states how we should be supportive that my mother was so upset… Like a maniac on the car ride home my mother begins to talk about how it’s going to be NEXT time we go to PERU… No sense of her absurdity, no shame- just pure entitlement…. and any time after that Peru was ever brought up, it is like she doesn’t even remember what happened- just acts like it was a great trip…

Many times during terrible fights, I have said to her, mom I think you need to get treatment… how  it would be beneficial if she maybe saw a therapist… She would say: well you think I’m crazy? seems like the depressed one around here is you! I see you don’t sleep well, and you’re always stressed… Maybe  you’re the one who has depression. Look at me, I am so  strong… In fact, I am the strongest person I know, to rise up from all that I did. You wouldn’t even stand a chance… you’re the one who needs psychiatric help”-

I can’t quote anymore, it makes me feel sick to  quote so far. My goodness!

A couple of thoughts:

1. when you were present in her life, she wasn’t happy: your presence didn’t make her happy. As a matter of fact she expressed displeasure having you around, so it must be better for her now.

2. When you tried to help her before the restaurant, at the restaurant and at  other times,  she viciously attacked you, trying to crush her own daughter!

Again, congratulations!

anita