Dear Mark,

I have tried therapy multiple times throughout my life. First beginning around 16 and the most recent about 6 months ago. I don’t think that there ‘isn’t a therapist for me’ or anything along those lines, my experience with therapy hasn’t really helped for the long term as much as investing in my own answers.

I did have male role models in my life, but not very consistently. I would spend summers with my paternal side of the family and see my uncles and grandpa then. We moved away from extended family when I was young, and the nearest family member is around 12 hrs away, the rest in Canada or scattered around North America. My mom married when I was 5 to my step-father, but he worked overseas when I was younger, and when we moved away from his home state, he wasn’t very positive about the situation. I realize now that he was just placed in a new place with no home comforts, but he would get frustrated and say some things “I didn’t want you” “Your not my kid” and it resonated. I haven’t forgotten that. He tried his best however, and I do know he loves me very much. Got me into sports and rock music. Taught me how to hunt and enjoy nature. I don’t consciously hold a grudge but it’s just hard to forget some of those things. Especially when you’re young.