Hi B,

You’re welcome! If I may ask… how did he get in contact with you again after you’d changed your number and moved?

I can understand where you’re coming from and why you feel that element is missing. It’s hard when you don’t feel close to apparent and especially when you feel that parent is abusive. That’s definitely something to work through with your therapist, too, especially if you’re still feeling resentment toward your father.

I think another thing you can also do that might help is read blogs and articles and watch videos on how to find that love within yourself. I know the idea of finding the love that you feel you need from another within yourself might seem weird, but it’s possible, and once you’re able to give yourself all of the love you need, you won’t be searching for it elsewhere, and it will likely give you the desire to actually back away from that unhealthy relationship because he will no longer offer you any benefit.

Maybe check out some of Kyle Cease’s videos. I went through a pretty devastating breakup a little over a year ago and figured out that I had quite a few fears and insecurities left over from rocky relationships in my past, and Kyle’s advice sort of helped me let go of that old story I kept telling myself and find what I needed within.

Another thing to do would be to accept that this man cannot give you the love that you desire, so attaching yourself to him (which is what you’re feeling now… an attachment) will not help you at all. I think it would help to read some articles and blogs on how to detach until you find something that really speaks to you. I also had to do this with my ex… I just Googled “how to detach from someone” and started reading until I figured out what might work for me and started trying different things.

Overall, though, be gentle with yourself. It’s an ongoing and sometimes slow process, so give yourself time and keep working on letting go of him.