Gosh Anita  you are so right – i am so grateful for your insight, for some reason knowing you dont know me but can comment is really useful 🙂

Perhaps i did feel neglected, i certainly dont recall it like that but as you say, we repress memories and maybe it could be small things rather than one big event of neglect or abuse. I feel guilty even saying that as my mum and dad are both lovely and as an adult have been so supportive – emotionally and financially.

It is really sad, i kind of feel sorry him. He was home-schooled for a while – because of bullying but i also think his mother was over-bearing and definitely wore the trousers. The whole family doesnt speak to his brother because of a family rift. His mother  (i did meet her numerous times!) was a woman with strong morals but also excused his behaviour. She would say he was a ‘silly boy’ for cheating etc. She would reprimand him but he didnt see to care he was disappointing her – maybe because he always knew she’d excuse it.  He was clearly the ‘apple of her eye.’  His dad was a figure in the background – present but with no real influence over him or his brother, i dont believe anyway. I thought when she died it would have changed him… but it has made no difference…  he seems hellbent on seeking adoration / pleasure / thrill even though he has had a string of attractive & successful (and loyal) girlfriends.  He is definitely not emotionally healthy!   At one point (given his mum nursed her own mum until she died), his mum had suggested that her and her husband and ‘Dan’ look for a property with an annex, so (as they are in their 70s), ‘Dan’ could care for them in old age. I wasnt overly happy with this but viewed a few properties given they are an ‘all talk no action’ kind of family…  it never went anywhere and she died soon afterwards. There wasnt any ‘give’ with this arrangement – ie. we couldn’t have lived just near by, it would’ve been on his parents terms but he was indoctrinated by this ‘view’. For example, he thought it was absolutely disgusting my mum lives 100 miles away from her mum – she should really be caring for my nan in her old age… anyway i digresss

I cant help but take this personally but i try to remind myself he is not ‘right’ mentally and will never be happy x