See, i kinda think its a bit of a get out clause and i dont always think everything derives from the childhood school of thought. I dont really see how his dad motivates him to cheat (although i think his dad did cheat on his mum a longggggggg time ago). Anyway, i kind of feel actually maybe he is just selfish, greedy and lacks empathy / emotion to really ‘connect’ with anyone on anything more than a surface level.  Why does it need to be explained away by theories although i think what you said about him being confused, he doesnt know what he is doing etc is totally true. You can look at some of the most beautiful women in the world – Cheryl Cole, Beyonce – who i am sure are decent human beings and if they get cheated on, then what hope is there!  I actually think its more to do with the primal need to mate than him somehow trying to please his dad…

My next steps is try to maintain no contact. This guy has drained me, for so long, its not going to be easy because in a fairytale world – i would want to think he realised he made a mistake or regretted his actions. Regret or guilt dont seem to feature for him – not to a level that stops him doing the same thing over and over…

I appreciate your comment Anita – and any other contributors – sometimes you just cant see when something is toxic. You are drawn in like a moth to a flame… i might’ve been burnt but im not dead and i feel i can try to use this to create fresh boundaries and NEVER be treated like this by another human again xx