Dear Liz,
Sex is a very important component part of a relationship for any relationship that has a sexual element. Sex is connected to emotions; if it help, think of it in terms of maintaining a certain level of intimacy most couple need to thrive or work out their relationship. Sex can help keep a relationship healthy. It can create an intimacy loop, with intimacy in the bedroom extending far outside of it. You can even tell if a relationship is in an rough patch by the frequency of couples having sex. So sex is important and how you two have sex is important to examine.
If sex is something you need in your relationship, then it should be taken into serious consideration regarding your boyfriend and your relationship.
You wrote that the relationship is easy and respectful, you also write that your boyfriend tend to dismiss your needs in bed, after your discussions and him agreeing to be more mindful of you. But that is NOT respect, no matter how blatant his discomfort may be. After all, he gave his agreement to be respectful of your needs in bed only to renegade on his words during such activities. So what he did was just baiting you to end the conversation that seems to be making him feel uncomfortable, though he won’t voice why, which shows that he is not willing to listen to you nor try to meet your needs even when you outwardly expressed yourself, express your needs. And that is a serious red flag. It’s a red flag because if he can dismiss your needs in bed, then whose to say he won’t dismiss other concerns later in your future together? If he can’t even take into consideration your needs in such an intimate activity, then is he even willing to regard you as someone important as he is to himself? If he can’t show you respect when you are intimate together, then just how much does he really respect you?
Look at your relationship again, don’t let the five years together dulled and blind your vision of the person that is your current boyfriend. If you truly hope for a future together, then there are a lot of questions to ask yourself.
https://markmanson.net/relationship-advice
Good luck.
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