Hey Sarah.

Sorry to hear you are going through a tough patch right now, a good rant with a non-judgmental audience can be hugely helpful just to be able to ‘say’ the things in your head you don’t think those around you want to hear or listen to openly.

Few thoughts for you. Whose expectations of life do you think you are failing? Yours? Your families? Society?  It can be difficult to separate out what are our own goals and hopes from those put on to us by others at times.  So it can be hugely useful to spend some time working out what your own hopes/dreams are – and as importantly which ones you can influence and which are things that you can’t so much, such as your recent diagnosis. Do you have all the outcomes as yet – sounds like there is some uncertainty as to the extent it will impact you?

First/early jobs after further education are always tough. I’m assuming you don’t actually want to work in a coffee shop long-term and it was just an example of the kind of low-paid/skilled job you think you should be able to get – hence it’s even more of a failure to not have those basic skills to be able to do so. But the thing is, people hiring for those types of jobs know it’s only a temporary gig for you whilst you finish up your PhD and so the value in training you up and paying more than they pay the sub-18 yr olds they tend to hire isn’t worth it to them. I found this out the hard way too…and it’s distressing when you can’t get anything to help make some money whilst you finish your PhD.  What do you want to do once you have finished – whilst looking for paid work it can be worth spending some time getting other practical experience and building contacts in the industry you ant to go in to through volunteering etc.  It would also help with making new friends and increasing your social circle outside of old friends you no longer relate with.

Essentially, any small step that will help towards the goals you truly want for yourself will help you to feel you are moving forwards, instead of stuck or backwards, which is when the frustration and sense of failure kicks in.

Hope it helps – happy to work through determining what your own hopes/dreams are and how to break those down into achievable steps if that would be of use.