Hey guys

Pretty much every day I wanted to write here, but I always ended up doing something else. Don´t know why. I noticed this applies to pretty much everything in my life.. Except procrastinating.. I could be a world champion.

So.. I have been here in Spain for one month and I had very good times and pretty bad times as well. I had moments then I’ve been very happy and grateful for being here, when I was sure I want to stay here. I also had moments when I wanted to go back to my country, to my family, to my cars, to the mountain roads where I used to race my cars..  to some of my friends there.

I had moments when I was so grateful for the friends I have here in Spain.. and sometimes I really felt loved and appreciated. So it’s not bad here. It’s actually nice.. and I can say I have a few good friends.. friends I met when I was here doing my Erasmus year. I almost have tears in my eyes when I’m writing this.. I don’t know why.

The things is.. almost every time I talk to my parents, and sometimes when I look at their pictures.. I feel like crying. Sometimes I start crying. I don’t really understand.. It feels like I want to go back sometimes.. but in the same time it doesn’t make sense. Maybe I am emotionally unstable.. but I cry quite often.. Maybe it’s a lot of pressure all this.. being here, looking for a job, making new friends..  Maybe I am scared of all this.. and maybe that’s why I feel like going home, even If I know there is nothing for me there. Not really..  I start caring for my parents more and more since I am here.. and I feel very grateful for them helping me be here and doing such a big effort. They don’t earn a lot of money.. but they keep helping me.. and they keep telling me they will help me until I find my way, so I should give it time and do my best to find a good job. It seems like they want me to be happy and this time if feels like they care much more. And I like that. A lot.

So.. I have been here for one month now. I went to 40 restaurants and bars and gave them my CV, and I sent a few in the airport as well. I was looking for places where they need English speakers. My Spanish is not that good, so I am trying to use the other languages I speak as an advantage. Spanish people don’t speak much English.  Going around the city and giving 40 CV’s might sound like some kind of effort but.. It look me  4 days. So.. I have been procrastinating here as well.. I haven’t been doing much. But I was going out quite often and I was getting drunk a lot. So.. I am still doing the same.. and I don’t feel motivated to really find a job.. it’s crazy.

BUT.. 

Tomorrow I will start working in a Language Academy as an English teacher.  A friend of mine knew this lady who happens to run a language academy and I somehow ended up replacing someone who just left Spain and was working there as an english teacher ( who was also a friend of mine ).  The importance of networking..

It’s not really a big deal, because I will only have 2 students. So.. it’s like.. I will get like 10 euros/ hour.. and since I only have 2 students.. I guess I will have like 50.. 100 euros a month.. which is sh*t.  But I suppose it’s a good start no? So there is a chance for me here. I have been there all ready and they seem nice.. I don’t really know anything about teaching english.. and I don’t feel very confident.. or qualified. But.. it sounds much better than cutting onions or serving someone’s dinner.

Okay so I might have a job.. and if I prove myself to be good, they will give me more students, I will earn more money and I could live like a normal human being. So there is a bit of hope. Aaaand there are plenty of other academies here so I could apply to others as well.. and I could have a few courses in each one.

ONLY IF I WOULD FEEL MORE MOTIVATED. I MEAN.. FOR F***’S SAKE !!! I FOUND SOMETHING THAT  COULD BE REALLY GOOD AND NOT THAT HARD BUT I STILL DON’T SEEM TO WANT TO GO FOR IT. WHYYYYYY !!!!!?

I will start tomorrow, but I haven’t really read any books about how to be an english teacher.. I haven’t prepared anything. So basically I don’t care. I am living a shit life but I don’t care?

I know my post doesn’t make much sense.. I am a bit lost at the moment.

Thank you for reading ! And thank you for being here !  I wish I could reward you somehow.