Dear gj:

I don’t think there is anything wrong with wanting to get married for the purpose of financial security. After all marriage everywhere involves this very thing: becoming one financial unit, a financial team, adding financial security to each other.

What would be wrong is deceiving a potential husband by being dishonest in any way. It will also be wrong to choose a man who you dislike or disrespect. The man you choose has to be one you like and respect and who likes and respects you, the two of you sharing similar goals for the marriage and working as a team, helping each other financially and in other ways.

I would say, find ways to reduce your ongoing fear, aka anxiety. There is a lot of literature on how to do it and I believe on the Home Page here, under Blogs, if you click Mindfulness, you will find some helpful articles. The well known ways to reduce anxiety are daily walks, other exercise, yoga, guided meditations and so many more practices, choose the one that suit you best.

And do your best on the financial front to minimize your chances of ending up hungry or homeless, and providing for yourself adequately. I imagine that moving out of your family home will be a step in the right direction. Your fear was born in the context of your family of origin. Better … move away from the birthplace of your fear.

anita