Dear sadman11:

Reads to me that forgiving her is in order. She is only nineteen, you were away and arguing a lot, on the phone. You accused her of cheating when she didn’t. And there were other factors. She didn’t tell you about it when you got back together but she was troubled about it (“she got quiet”).

If she was intent on not getting together with her ex boyfriend in that way again, I can understand why she wouldn’t tell you about it, and it may have been a good idea to … not tell you. If she was intent on and capable of not repeating that mistake, what benefit was there in telling you?

My summary at this point: forgive her, truly forgive her, treat her well, respectfully, don’t treat her as if she is The Guilty One, Forever-Guilty and a Forever- Suspect.

One day you will make a mistake and she will forgive you too. We all make mistakes. Not all forgivable, but hers is forgivable, as I understand the situation.

anita