She was never any of those things. I was expected to be. She only pointed out i was doing something wrong when did not fit those standards. There was no role model for that.

I am not comfortable just being. Whatever the situation, if I am expected to talk and do something or just be – i want to run away. I used to be socially awkward and had stage fright but with both I just went for it and overcame them. I did not have to ruminate over it or anything. But it is a mask – i just don’t want to engage with people.

My mom was never “supportive”. She never took our side. When i used to not do well in debates or my grades went down, she could never say anything meaningful – we were expected to somehow brush it off.