Hi Anita,
Oh how I wish that I could just walk away… from them both but more particularly, from my sister. That must have taken so much courage for you to make that decision! And even harder, I would imagine, that once you have made that decision, that you don’t go back on it. I have so much respect for you.
I had already decided that once my mother had passed on, that I would go no contact with my sister. 55 years of this (I’m 61, she is younger than me by 2.5 years) is quite enough.. life is too short. Once my mother is no longer around, that will be the end of it.
I have documented all of this. I have all the texts and notes of conversations. I am going to see a solicitor for legal advice next week.
I am now thinking, why wait until mother passes, this is never going to go away. And one of the things I am going to discuss with the solicitor is relinquishing my LPA’s on my mother. That would mean that my sister would be in full control of my mother’s financial affairs, and her health and welfare on her own. And on her own head will it all then fall, when it does. I really have had enough of this. Although she will be in full control of everything then, in a way she actually is anyway, as any suggestions or questions I may have are usually disregarded anyway, so what is the point?
I had to text her this morning, after her ‘not speaking’ to me for the last two days as I needed to know if her husband still wanted to put his car on my drive, and when, as they were planning on going on holiday for two weeks and I didn’t know when. If I hadn’t have texted her, I wouldn’t have even known they were going on holiday today, as my sister has never given me the exact dates. She texted me to ask if I wanted to come up and see my mother before they went. I think this was some kind of a ‘test’.
Well, yes, I did want to see my mother, but have been putting it off because of the atmosphere after the argument a few days ago. So I thought I would go and see her. If only to prove that I am not going to be intimidated by a bully. Or intimidated by the walking on eggshells, or the atmosphere.
When I got there (they only live a short distance away) you would think the argument had never taken place. Sis smiled and joined in the conversation and I sat with my mother while she packed for the holiday. I am used to this happening. One day I am labelled as the devil incarnate (usually because I won’t be bullied by my sister), the next day, I can be just a piece of furniture, something just there to be used, another day I might be called upon to help out in some way with my mother’s care. I am aware that my sister actually doesn’t love me very much, if at all, and I have known that for a very long time. She was and still is very jealous of me. She could never put aside her natural child jealousy for a sibling when she grew up.
You would never have known we had had words, and that we had just spent two days not even speaking. I think she has taken this as a sign that I have given in to her manipulation of the situation. I have done exactly that for years, just for the sake of peace.
I sat with my mother for an hour… she was very anxious as she didn’t want to go away on holiday (it’s early spring here and very cold). However the holiday has had to be right now because the builders are knocking through into the main house and joining the extension to the former kitchen. The noise from this building work is too much for my mother and that also makes her very tearful and anxious. Even though I used to dislike my mother, I felt so sorry for her. She is so defenceless against my sister’s machinations. Her home is not her home any more, it’s my sisters.
Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 