okay, so I’ve been biding my time.  Like I said, i want her to get going on her new job before i drop them bomb.  In doing so… I think she is actually a little crazy.  These last couple/few days and nights haven’t been bad at all.  She’s been in a better mood and trying to not get all weird and insecure and stuff.  The problem is that she is in total denial about our last fight a few days ago.  The fight that  she said “fine, i will just leave then” and I agreed with her.  I guess the problem that night was that by the end of the fight, she had a anxiety attack or something.  Her heart was racing and she could barely breathe.  I had to get  paper bag and help her breathe again.  Then the next day she acted like everything was great.  I don’t understand why she acts like that.  I’m still distant and quite.  She keeps planning and talking like we are going to be together forever.   And all I can think about is being able to separate without guilt….  The good news is that she may have another option.  Her Brother and his girlfriend ended recently and he now has some extra space at his house.  I don’t know if that is really  an option for her, however i don’t think he would turn her away.  I’m really thinking about talking to her this weekend.  I don’t have my girls and she will have done her first week at work.  I am not looking forward to this conversation at all.  I feel so messed up in the head right now.  I know we are not healthy for each other.  But I will miss her.  We do get along good when, well honestly it’s s lot to do with when kids aren’t involved.  Like this last weekend for example.  Her son stayed the night at a fiends house Friday night, so her and I and all three girls went out to dinner.  My girls were good and respectful and her daughter was being a little B&*$%.  I hate saying that but i don’t know how to describe her attitude and behavior.  Even my girlfriend said, if its not one of her kids, its the other.  After dinner though, everything was good.  That night and all the way up until her son came home.  he wasn’t in the door 5 minutes before he was whining and throwing a fit.  Really makes it stressful.  I think my girlfriend has gotten so used to it, she see’s it, but doesn’t realize how bad and frequent it is and she enables it.  I just can’t handle it anymore.

Wow, i’ve gotten way off track here.  Back to me trying to end this whole mess.  Like I said, I think I’m going to talk with her this weekend.  I need to just tell her that we aren’t health for each other right now.  That I feel like either I’m walking on egg shells or she is all the time.  And that our families just don’t mix well.  They do love each other and get along, however their is always drama or someone is always upset.  I just can’t do this anymore, but yet I feel so horrible.  I am not looking forward to this conversation at all…