Hi Mark,

Sorry for not responding to your comment sooner. I see what you’re saying – this is my first long-term relationship so part of me is unsure as to whether or not the feelings of not being completely open and honest (even if it means we’re on different pages) is normal or not. It is great to hear your perspective on this. It is sad that we have not been able to be completely honest with each other, I guess the thought of losing one and other scares both of us. But as you say, this might indicate a lack of deep intimacy.

In terms of your first post, we were together for about one year, apart for half of a year, then together for just under two years. When we were apart we noted communication problems as the concern and decided we would work on these things separately. As I look back, I now realize it was more than just communication, but also boundary setting, being honest about needs etc. I think we have both fallen into the trap of relying on the other person to meet our needs instead of meeting them ourselves, as you’ve pointed out in the Marshall Rosenberg Non-Violent Communication model. It seems because our needs were not communicated we have just come to expect certain things from each other even when the topic at hand has not been discussed.

I looked up what you mean by Love Languages, and also find it interesting. I completely agree that his main love language is quality time. I would say that mine is as well, but likely just in differing amounts of time. This is something we will need to talk about to see if we can come to an agreement on.

Thank-you very much for your helpful advice, I am truly grateful. xxx