Dear Lillian:

The two of you have been able to be “athletes at a high level” because you both keep your eyes wide open as you perform, seeing what is in front of you. For relationships to succeed, you also have to keep your eyes wide open, so to see what is happening.

When you avoid “truly honest conversations with each other about .. expectations and needs in the relationship because both of (you) are scared of losing each other”, what the two of you are doing is closing your eyes and hoping it will turn out well. It won’t work if you want to function well as athletes and it will not work if you want to function well as partners in a relationship.

That closing of the eyes in the context of the relationship is what you referred to as “tunnel visioning”.

“I am scared.. I am terribly afraid… I am so afraid of losing him”- what is it that is so very scary for you?

anita