Dear Lillian:

“I have so focused on my fears, I have not even been able to think rationally about the entire situation”- this is key with dealing with fear: don’t try to think while experiencing significant fear. Find a way to lower the fear (ex: a walk outside, a hot bath, hot tea, a relaxing yoga routine, guided meditation), and think later when you are calm. We can’t think rationally while under the influence of fear.

Also, we all need help, to not be alone for too long with what troubles us, seek support and help of supportive and capable individuals.

Before you talk to your boyfriend, you can prepare: type what you will be saying/asking. When you talk to him, if you are not clear about what he is communicating to you, ask clarifying questions, like: I didn’t understand what you meant by saying (this or that). If you get confused or space out during the conversation (a result of stress), take a break, tell him you lost focus and let’s talk later. You are welcome to post here your account of any part of a conversation with him for my input.

I am glad you appreciate the replies of other members and myself. Like I wrote to you before, fear is a powerful emotion, and you will fear again, as would I, and everyone else. So post again, anytime you would like.

* I will soon be away from the computer and back in about 14 hours from now.

anita