The only best friend i really ever had is my buddy that i still see on a regular basis, we’ve know each other since we were 12.  so for 33 years now.  There have been times when either of us moved away for a year or two and it didn’t bother me.  Not like this.  It’s so hard to explain.  There a so many times in a day when i see something or do something, and I just want to tell her.  Not even a romantic thing, just because that’s what we did.  I guess a way to put it in perspective is if a family member or animal died that lived with you, for the begging, you forget sometimes and when you get home you call out to them or think they are there.  I guess that’s kind of how I feel, but it’s a year and a half later!  We did not communicate very well in the end, but before that freaking weekend trip away.  Even though we were 120 miles apart,we were in separable.  We kept in touch frequently throughout the day and night every day.

Again, if there’s anyone here that understands this, it’s me. I totally get it and you don’t even have to explain it. I know exactly what you mean because I’ve felt the same way about my ex and had a very similar relationship with him as you did yours, so I want you to believe me when I tell you that it’s killing you because of the meaning you’re attaching to her in your mind and the things you’ve been telling yourself over and over for the last year. If you tell yourself over and over and over that she was your best friend ever and you’ll never find another and you’re miserable and empty without her, that’s exactly how you’re going to keep feeling because you’re constantly reiterating and reaffirming it to yourself.  There’s a video by Kerwin Rae where he talks about saying “This is simple. This is easy. This is fun.” when you’re doing a job you don’t want to do and it makes the job more enjoyable because you’re basically tricking your brain into feeling like it’s enjoyable. That’s the kind of thing you might want to start doing when it comes to your ex. When you get some time, Google that video and it’ll explain the psychology behind it. What you’re doing right now is the exact opposite of what you want to be doing if you truly want to feel better.

My point about the best friend thing was that you aren’t lamenting it when they aren’t in your life, likely because you either expect that you’ll talk to them again at some point, or even if you don’t expect to, you know you’re capable of living without them… and if you’re capable of being fine when your best guy friend isn’t in your life all the time… you’re absolutely capable of being fine with your ex not in your life… you just have to stop telling yourself that you aren’t.

Aside from that, I STILL think of my ex daily, miss him very much, and I’m always thinking of things I want to tell him, so I understand where you’re coming from, but it doesn’t kill me because I don’t tell myself constantly that it’s killing me. My life is good. I’m okay and happy overall, and I know that. I don’t NEED him. I just want him. There’s a difference. If you’re feeling like you NEED her, then you have some work to do before you’ll ever be able to actually be with her again. But anyway… sometimes when I see a meme I wish I could show him, I’ll just save it in a folder on my computer to share if we are ever in each others’ lives again, and then I move on with my day. Maybe if you tried that… start a word document. When you think of something you want to tell her, just write it in there like you’re telling her, and then move on with your day. Don’t lament the fact that you can’t actually tell her… just write it like you’re telling her and move on.

But I can tell you one thing…. no matter what you do, you will never feel better if you keep telling yourself that you’re empty and miserable without her… even if that’s what you believe right now. Your feelings on that are showing you that you need to change that belief.  It’s not a real thing. It’s just your attachment to her. You’re only thinking that way because you’re allowing yourself to believe it.  And again… this is coming from someone who also had an extremely deep connection with her ex who felt like home and we were inseparable and texted nonstop when we were apart, and I still do think there’s a good chance we’ll end up back together at some point. You don’t have to give up all hope to be together in order to feel happy and whole. You DO have to give up the idea that she is perfection and there’s no one better for you. Keep hope alive if you feel you’re meant to be but also keep your options open.

Also… if you can only read a couple pages of a book before your mind wanders, meditation would probably be a good idea to start doing regularly. Train that brain to be able to focus without constantly having intrusive thoughts.

Why do you have to handle your current situation before you start counseling?  You’re still planning on the breakup this weekend, right?