Dear coconut:

I re-read your posts trying to understand better. You clearly stated that you don’t want to break up with him, and that the idea of breaking up scares you a lot: “I don’t want to be without him, it scares me very much… I couldn’t ever heal from this break up.. The thought of breaking up scares me very much. I don’t want that… I don’t want to break up with him”.

On the other hand you are scared while living with him, currently: “But at the same time I feel anxious now, while being together”.

One thing that scares you now is the thought that “maybe I don’t love him anymore”. You are also afraid when you think: what if he doesn’t love you anymore (“if he was feeling for me what I feel for him now-confusion- or if he would tell me.. that he doesn’t feel anything”).

My input: fear is a powerful feeling. When we are afraid we can not feel the soft feelings of love. And so, when you feel no love for him, it doesn’t mean that you don’t love him, it means that you are afraid.

When a person is afraid, the brain automatically starts thinking about ways to escape the situation in which the person is afraid. In your case, the situation in which you are currently afraid is living with your boyfriend, so thoughts automatically occur about breaking up with him.

Next, you get confused, you are afraid of breaking up with him, you don’t want to, but you don’t understand why you have these thoughts of breaking up with him, at times. You know you love him, but you are confused about why you don’t feel love for him a lot of the time. And then, you are afraid he will not feel love for you anymore.

Key is for you to relax. You wrote that you can’t afford therapy. But you can afford the many ways available for you to relax. I are probably blogs on the home page of this site, click Blogs, then Mindfulness, with suggestions. You can take long walks, exercise, do guided meditations, listen to soft music, relaxing yoga and on and on. Once you feel relaxed, you will have the clarity that you need, and you will feel love again, if you relax.

What do you think?

anita