I am actually very embarassed about it. Like, the only exciting thing in my life has been to day dream. I hate that i have low self esteem. I never had a choice!

It bothers me a lot that I have to fix my life that i never broke in the first place. I know that i should be grateful that i am here thanks to my parents but i just am not. They had a child – i don’t even care anymore about what societal pressure they had to go through – and they decided that was enough. I feel like I have been raised more like a farm animal than a human. How is it even possible that as an adult neither of them could put their child’s needs first? And on top of that they got to control how i think about myself and the world. Is it weird that i feel abused? They did actually send me to school and i have a job because of that – but who have i become? i am thinking love may be fiction or a myth. Is it really possible, that my mother did not feel anything when i was born? If she did not feel love then – my own mother – what is the point? I am not sure what our relationship really is.